I
have a recurring nightmare some variation of which, I believe, is a
very common experience. It involves being in school and showing up for
the final exam without having studied for it, or sometimes it takes the
form of not showing up at all because I can’t remember where it is
supposed to be. It is a very bad feeling. As a priest, once or twice, I
have had another variation of it, which involves showing up for church
and finding out I was scheduled to preach but not having a sermon
prepared. I have spoken to many people who have some variation of the
same nightmare. I suspect many of you do. The theme of this particular
nightmare is
judgment.
On
the other hand, I also know that I have never actually sat for an exam,
or taken a test, or written a paper without some sense of anticipation
and even excitement and a longing to get my paper back and see how I’d
done.
So
here’s the paradox. On the one hand, we have a strong aversion to
being judged and failing. It is enough to give us nightmares long after
one would hope we’d grown out of such childish things. On the other
hand, we are drawn to being judged like a moth to light because part of
us longs to be tried and found worthy, judged and affirmed, tested and
passed “with distinction.”
With
that in mind we come to a teaching in the Gospel of Luke, which is
assigned for the third Sunday of Lent this year, having to do with a
group of Galileans apparently killed by Pilate when they had come to
sacrifice at the Temple in Jerusalem and a group of eighteen people also
killed in Jerusalem but this time in an accident when the tower of
Siloam fell on them. It was an event that caused the people of Jesus’
day to wonder—to wonder what it meant, to wonder what God was up to, to
wonder about how to make sense of it in any spiritual way. It is not at
all unlike how we are wondering in our own day, our own day in which 26
innocent people, 20 of them first
graders, are killed by a gunman in Newtown, Connecticut.
I
don’t think Jesus had nightmares about judgment or encouraged others to
have them either. As to the Galileans killed by Pilate, he asked, ‘Do
you think that because these Galileans suffered in this way they were
worse sinners than all other Galileans?’” As to the 18 killed in the
collapse of the tower of Siloam, he asked “do you think that they were
worse offenders than all the others living in Jerusalem?” He not only
asked. He answered emphatically. “No.” This is not about judgment,
Jesus said.
And
then there is the paradox. This is not about judgment and still Jesus
calls on those who were listening to him—and us—to repent. “No, I tell
you; but unless you repent, you will all perish as they did.” It is a
curious thing. It is not about judgment. When it comes to things like
this, Jesus says, judgment is entirely beside the point.
And still, the message is to repent. How can the message be to repent when the judgment is rendered irrelevant?
It
seems to me that there are two ways to approach living, at least as a
Christian. There is the “nightmare that you show up for the exam
without having studied” way of approaching life and there is the joy of
being affirmed by God way of approaching life. Now, don’t get me
wrong. I’m not at all saying that God approves of anything and
everything. I could give you a whole list of things I don’t believe God
approves of and that deserve judgment. What I am saying is that either
we respond to what God wants of us out of fear of judgment, out of fear
of showing up at the exam without having studied, which gives us
nightmares,
or we respond to what God wants to us out of gratitude that in Christ
the judgment has been made irrelevant. It isn’t that judgment is made
not real. Judgment is real enough. But with God, that doesn’t mean it
is eternally relevant either. Our response is in how we look at it,
from the perspective of fear of judgment or from the perspective of
grateful for grace.
Peace,+Stacy